I am happy to report that I had my 16 week check up on Monday and all is well with the baby. I had been nervously awaiting the appointment for the past couple of weeks. Worried that there would be no heartbeat.

Some of you may know that we Siegs were pregnant last Summer. Everything seemed to be going well until we went in at 15 weeks and didn't hear the heartbeat that we hoped for. The baby had died a couple weeks previous but my body refused to give up the chance of renewing motherhood. I ended up having an emergency D and C several weeks after before it all was over. We were heartbroken.

I remember feeling all kinds of emotions when we heard the news. Remember having all kinds of thoughts. Was it my fault? Was I not excited enough? How did I not know? Several weeks after we found out that we would be joined with another little one, James gave me a blessing. In that blessing, I was told that this little baby would be a blessing to our family. After I miscarried, I wondered how that was possible. Now I am starting to understand.

In previous pregnancies, I rode an emotional roller coaster of fear and elation. I was happy about having a little one on the way, but was so nervous for the C-section and everything that goes along with that. I spent so much of the pregnancy worried about myself that I forgot to focus on how lucky we were to have more joy added to our family. More opportunities to laugh and smile.

This pregnancy has been very different for me. I haven't fallen into my usual pit of fear. I haven't felt put out. Just lucky and hopeful. Blessed, really. Blessed by the little baby that didn't come. The one we miss and look forward to someday meeting.