Happy 33 to Meggie

Me and Mehgan during a roadshow youth activity. One of the few times that Meggie ever wore make up.

Yesterday was Meggie's 33rd birthday. I spent most of it blubbering about how much I miss her but when I wasn't crying (and sometimes when I still was) I was telling James and the boys happy memories I have of my dear friend. I am sure my men all thought I was going crazy with the extreme range of emotions displaying themselves in such rapid-fire succession, but I suppose it was expected, since this is the first birthday in over 20 years that I didn't get to sing Meggie her birthday song and wish her well. I decided to honor her memory by feeding my family all sorts of her favorite foods throughout the day and even snuck Lemonheads into church with us. I think she would have been proud. Probably the only thing that would have made her happier was if we all performed some outrageous dare in her honor and then talked late into the night "breaking down the walls." Maybe next year... It was rough day but it felt good to celebrate her all the same. After all, she was a woman worth celebrating!

To celebrate her 33rd birthday, here are 33 things about her (in no particular order) that I never want to forget.

Rachel had to perform this dare in college on Meggie's 20th birthday.

1-Mehgan loved playing all sorts of games. She was especially fond of the card game, Nurtz, and quietly gloried in her many victories. :) The last game I played with her was Ticket to Ride. Even in her drugged up state, she still beat me.

2-Being fair was very important to Meggie.

Enjoying Spring Freshman year

3-Meggie had a way of making you feel like one of the elite to be able to be such good friends with her because she could be at times so aloof. That being said, she didn't withhold her friendship from anyone and I was surprised to hear at her funeral how many people thought that they were her most special friend. She had a way of making us feel important.

A clipping from when Meggie made it into the newspaper.

4-As nice as she was, she also had the abilities to put you in your place faster than anyone else. I remember one time some lame guy was pestering her in college while she was trying to study. After he bugged her for long enough, she looked up from her studies and asked him if he had a girlfriend. When he responded with a no, she said, "I know why." and then continued on with her homework. I was so proud!

Meggie was dared to put this flyer up on ever door in our ward. 

5-Her favorite book was Shogun and she read it many times.

6-Mehgan LOVED snowboarding and would plan her classes around it Winter semester.

Leah and Meggie, showing off their guitar skills. They took a guitar class together in college

7-She was incredibly intelligent and witty. Not only did this make for great conversations and fun in college, but it also helped her get great grades and eventually become a lawyer. She had a way of making everything look effortless, and even though she was able to pick things up faster than the average Joe, she took her schooling seriously.

8-Mehgan was an excellent driver. I remember driving down the Norwegian grade together when we were in our teens and thinking how happy and content I was driving along with my friend. I remember thinking that if we were to get into a car accident that moment and die, I wouldn't even mind too much because I would get to go with Mehgan.

This picture was taken at Betos. We Loved Betos. Meggie hated beans so she made the most of hers by creating this fabulous piece of art.

9-She loved the flavor combination of chocolate and banana (yuck). She loved Hershey's Cookies n' Cream bars, pear flavored Jelly bellies, Lemonheads, and FruitStripe gum. (She often would quote the FruitStripe gum commercial when someone would say yikes. "Yikes! Stripes! FruitStripe gum!") She loved Funions and Pellegrino. She often ate terryaki chicken with white rice and corn and in fact, I don't recall her cooking anything besides that during our whole college career. Mostly she just ate fast food or a bag of potato chips for dinner. She just wasn't into cooking but always appreciated a good cook. I remember she used to make such a big deal out of how I would make boxed macaroni and cheese by saying, "You and Micah (her brother) make macaroni and cheese better than anyone I know!" and so naturally I wowed her with my skills on a regular basis. :) I remember talking to her after she was diagnosed with cancer about how strange it was that my most physically healthy friend came down with such a terrible disease. I meant that she was physically capable since she could always play any sport with ease but I realized she had misunderstood me when she responded, "Just goes to prove that it doesn't matter what you eat!" I still chuckle about that since even though that girl could practice amazing portion control, "healthy" eating was never her strongest suit.

This picture was taken after a failed date to Marshall's talent show. Her blind date had gone home early to write a talk.

10-Like I said, Meggie was an incredible athlete. She could pick up any sport with ease and loved playing on inter-mural teams. That being said, she hated any sort of exercise when she was off the field.

11-Her favorite hymn was As Sisters In Zion.

Playing Nurtz.

12-In our teen years, every now and then the two of us would ditch out on Sunday School at church and head over to my house (just over the wall) and eat pickles on our trampoline and talk for the hour before Young Women's started. That was probably the most rebellious thing I have ever known her to do. She was a rule keeper and  had great amounts of integrity.

Dinner in the Enclave. Late 2001

13-Her dad is in the movie industry and she was fascinated with everything about it. She ended up working with him on A Beautiful Mind and Spanglish as a P.A. She loved it! The Summer she worked on A Beautiful Mind with him in New Jersey, I got to fly out and visit her for the week and follow her around the set. During the scene when Russell Crowe is having a heart to heart about accepting treatment with Jennifer Connelly in their bedroom, Meggie and I were sitting outside munching on White Castle burgers and yacking. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she had just taken a break from her career as a lawyer to persue her dream of working in the film industry as a writer and was working on a screenplay for a movie on Audi Murphy with her friend, Ammon. I have no doubt that if they got to finish that script, that it would have been a big success.

 Terrible pictures from a photo booth in the mid 90's.

14-Meggie got to celebrate Jennifer Lawrence's birthday with her when her family flew out to visit their dad on the set of The Hunger Games. When she was sick she got a beautiful arrangement of flowers with a get well note from Adam Sandler. As cool as this was, like the rest of her family, she never made a big deal out of it.

15-Meggie was an excellent writer. Last night I found comfort and many laughs while reading her blog (found here).

At a monster truck rally when Micah and Bryn came to visit

16-She loved movies and tv shows and almost always had her tv on. One year at BYU she talked her dad into letting her take a huge tv to her new apartment in the Enclave. This was before the era of flat screens and so this baby was HUGE and incredibly heavy! Unfortunately the Porters condo was on the second floor there was nobody around to help us hoist the gigantic thing up all the flights of stairs to it's new home. But because it mattered so much to her, we attempted it anyway. We made it halfway up one set of stairs before some guys took pitty on us and carried the beast the rest of the way.

17-I was her hairdresser in college. We were kinda going for Meg Ryan's hair in the movie, City of Angels. At the time I thought we nailed it, but looking back, maybe it's a good thing that I eventually stopped:

Valentines breakfast, 2001. This is one of my favorite pictures of Meggie!

18-Meggie could get me to do anything with reverse psychology. We were both fully aware of what she was doing, but for some reason I could still never resist.

19-Mehgan had a soft heart for any creature but she was especially fond of her family's dog, Lilly and that little Bichon Frise loved her right back.

Valentines Day, 2001

20-Meggie was unfailingly faithful to her friends but she was even more devoted to her family. Family was everything to her and she happily spent as much time with them as she possibly could, especially when she lived 45 minutes away in Santa Monica. She took the role of the oldest sister very seriously and was fabulous at it. She especially emulated her mom and I knew that she would someday be a mother just like her. I still think so.

21-Meggie was an INFJ personality in Meyers Briggs and a white/blue in The color code. She never sought out attention but was loved and respected by all. Whether she liked it or not, she was a leader.

Meggie would roll over in her grave if she knew I posted this picture. Girls camp, 1997

22-Meggie was one of those people who had her own scent about her. I really don't notice this about people very often, but Meggie was one of those people and I never want to forget it. She smelled of the rose hip Herbal Essence shampoo and Oil of Olay and...Mehgan. It never really changed and I miss that.

23-When she was younger she would use Horse and Mane shampoo and I would tease her about it. She really had fantastic hair and was well known for her lovely locks....after I retired as her hairdresser.

After church in December of '98

24-Mehgan appreciated talent. It didn't really matter what skill you could perform, she really loved and appreciated them and she had an uncanny way of talking you into performing whatever that talent was. She downplayed all of the exceptional things she could do and made you feel like a million bucks about what you did.

Out to eat. I beleive this was the night that Meggie was dared to ask the waiter for a doggy bag for her very last bite of pasta. He obliged by bringing it back in a little sauce cup.

25-She was incredibly good at getting you to talk about yourself. Even when you were on a mission to get some sort of information out of her, at the end of the conversation you would suddenly realize that she had tricked you into talking about yourself the whole time.

Visiting Meggie in New York in Summer of 2001

26-Her favorite color was blue.

27-She used to joke that her dream calling would be hymnbook passer-outer. That being said, the last calling she held was the Relief Society President in her ward. When we were in the same singes branch she got called as one of the pianist and even though she hadn't touched a piano in many years, she accepted the challenge. She had a very strong testimony and would have done anything for the cause of Christ.

At a Halloween dance in 2000. One of the few dances Meggie attended. She hated dances.

28-She and I made up fake boyfriends as a joke in high school, Mike Ale and Chris Topher. I guess that sounds pretty pathetic, but we thought it was hilarious. I eventually got her a ken doll to represent her fake boyfriend and she kept it sitting on the dash of her car for years.

Marshall, Meggie, and Me enjoying our shakes at Cosmos

29-Mehgan didn't really get mad but she always got even. Always. No matter how tame the prank you pulled on her was, you knew that she would return the favor tenfold. I suppose this should have made me shy away from doing anything to her, but it was just too tempting and her pranks were always so ingenious that it was almost worth it just to see what her mind would come up with. Even if it was incredibly embarrassing.

Amanda, Me, and Mehgan, ready to head out into the snow.

30-Meggie liked all sorts of music but The Indigo Girls, Ace of Base, Wycleff and Weezer will always remind me of her. And Shoop, by Salt-N-Pepa. And basically anything from the 90's.

One of our annual picnics

31-Meghan was selfless. The night that I got to spend with her in the hospital just weeks before she died, her terrible nurse forgot to wake her with her pain medications and in the middle of the night Meggie woke up in extreme agony. Meggie never was free from pain even on her various drugs, but with all of them out of her system, her pain was through the roof and it took forever to get it under control again. When her pain level return to the steady level five that it normally was at, we decided to try our hand at sleeping so we turned off the lights and the tv and said goodnight. After a couple of minutes, I remembered that she hadn't been able to sleep much at night and that she might like the tv on to keep her company. When I asked her if she wanted the television on, she asked, "Are you sure it won't keep you awake?" I have often thought about that night, how even when she was suffering so greatly, she first thought about my needs.

Amy, Rachel, Lindsay, Me, Meggie, and Leah, on my wedding day.

32-Mehgan was always a great friend, but as she got older, she softened a lot and became even more loving and accepting of those she came in contact with. This was especially true after she was diagnosed with cancer in 2010.

Meggie and Char. He wouldn't stop smiling at this godmother. Up to that point, Charlie was so young that he didn't smile that much but when Meggie held him, he beamed!

33-Mehgan was brave. Her fight against cancer was riddled with pain but she soldiered on. I have often wished that she didn't have to go through the horrors of her treatments and wondered if it was all even worth it. The other day I was listening to a talk by Elder Bednar (found here), and realized the importance of her bravery. She didn't shrink. As scary and as painful as it all was, she didn't shrink. She trusted in the Lord even in her darkest hour and pressed on. What a great example she showed us all. When James gave McCabe his baby blessing, McCabe was blessed to be able to turn to his namesake (His middle name is Porter) for guidance and support throughout his life. This blessing was given when her chances of a longer life looked bright. However, as Mehgan's treatment continued on and the outlook became bleak, I wondered about the words spoken in the blessing to our little man. But the truth is, even though we don't get her here with us any longer in this life, her example and her character shines on and I have no doubt will continue to strengthen us as we continue on our way.

How grateful I am that I have a friend like Mehgan!

More Mehgan posts here, here,

"It feels good to have a lizard!"

Me and Meggie, back in the day
Boy, do I miss Meggie today! Maybe it's my awkward attempts to make new friends in this new area that makes me miss having such an established friendship even more. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I miss her extra. 

In church someone shared a quote from the prophet Joseph F. Smith about those that have died. He said, "...how much more certain it is...that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond... can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them....We live in thier presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever.  For now they see the dangers that beset us;... their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves". 

When I read the quote, I started bawling. It is such a blessing to have more knowledge about eternal life because of the continued revelation that we receive from modern prophets, and it was comforting to know that maybe when she isn't busy working on the other side of the veil, or isn't spending time watching over her family, that maybe she is watching over me. But then it hit me extra hard how much I wish that I could actually see her again. (I am sure the women around me were wondering why in the world I was crying when we were talking about revelation. Oh well, I guess I'm the new weirdo. What do ya do?)

Recently, my sister, Kathleen, sent me a video that she made of my little men of when she was watching them for me out in California at the end of June. I love everything about this video and am so thankful that she made it for me! While she is shooting them playing with the lizards, I was sitting in the hospital with Meggie and holding her hand as she lay in intense pain. And while she was filming us all walking around on the beach, my friend was being told that she didn't have much longer to live. There is something about the juxtaposed innocence and happiness of my little men against the pain and sorrow of Meggie's situation that is bittersweet to me. Even in the saddest moments, there is joy to be found. Thank goodness that we have children around to remind us of that!

Something about the music that she chose makes me think of Meggie. I don't know if Micah put this song in the slide show he made for her funeral or what, but both James and I somehow relate it to that day. 

I have so much to update this blog with, but I feel like I can't do that until I write a few words about Meggie's funeral. They held it on Saturday, July 14th in the stake center because so many people wanted to attend and honor the woman we all loved. The Porters put together a beautiful meeting and shared stories about Meggie.  Although it was sad to say goodbye, they lifted us all with their words of faith. I have always loved the Porters, but I have never been so proud of their friendship.

The weeks following her death, our little family spent packing, moving and driving all over the West and Midwestern states. As much as I loathed the job, it was a great distraction. I couldn't breakdown because James and the boys needed me to hold it together. But now that all the boxes are nearly unpacked and the chaos is starting to settle, I find myself missing her more than ever before. I started missing Mehgan even before she died, and although I wanted her to be free from pain, I now feel the loneliness of her absence so powerfully that some days my little heart just wants to break. I know she is in a better place and I know that I will see her again; it's just hard to accept how far away that reunion will be. But, as Elder Maxwell said, "Faith in God includes faith in his timing." It is as it should be, even if I don't understand it all right now.

Earlier last week I had a reminder of that when I was feeling particularly low about missing my friend. I had been  having so much fun here in Kansas but realized again that I couldn't share it with Meggie. That night I left James in charge of bedtime and headed out for a stroll around campus. (On a side note, all Summer long our little family has been trying to spot a skunk because our little men took such a fancy to these stinky furry friends and we thought it would be neat to see one in the wild). Even though we saw all sorts of skunks sleeping on the side of the road (read "dead"), none of us saw the real thing until last week when James spotted two little skunks wrestling near his vet building on campus. So in my sorry state I wandered up to his vet building in hopes that I would see something cute and furry to lift my spirits.

I waited and waited and nothing came. The night grew dark and the cicadas buzzed, but no little black and white friend came to my rescue. So I started praying. I told Heavenly Father how much I missed my Mehgan and how sad I am that I don't get to have her with me on this earth to grow old with. I told Him how sad I was the my little men will not get to have her around as an aunt and godmother while they grow up and that I can't share all my happy and sad moments with her and hear her say, "Oh Mali-Pali" again. My burden felt lighter the longer I prayed but I still felt alone. Then just as I was finishing up, I told Heavenly Father how bummed I was that I didn't get to see those skunks and how much I wanted to see them. 

As I finished up and turned to leave, across the lawn in the shadows I noticed a small creature shuffling along. As I looked closer, I realized that it was a small striped skunk rooting around the grass! I don't know what I was expecting, but this little fella was so tiny and cute I could hardly believe it! The longer I stood there, the closer he came until I was just about fifteen feet away from the little guy! Finally, after I took about a trillion poor-quality cell phone pictures, he had enough and scampered under a rock to free himself from his #1 fan. But fifteen minutes was all that I needed to be reminded that Heavenly Father loves his children and that all things will work together for our good.

For whatever reason, Meggie's time here on earth was shorter than we expected. But I do know that that it will be for the best in the end if we all keep trusting in our Heavenly Father's plan. How grateful I am that our Savior made it possible for us to overcome death and sin so that we can be reunited again.

As one with a soft spot for all living creatures, Meggie would have LOVED this little guy!

Picture taken off Facebook from when Meggie got to meet USA's womens water polo team that her cousin is in. The caption read, "Olympians surrounding a champion."

Last night Mehgan Porter passed away. She will be missed but I know that I'll see her again and that we'll pick up right where we left off. I love you, Meggie!

Our California visit

 The boys and I just got back from spending a week in California. I really wanted to see Meggie but James was not going to be able to take time off so Kathleen was nice enough to drop everything and come with me. What would I have done without her?!!! It was a treat to be able to talk with her (although sometimes over screaming from the back seat) while we drove across the desert. I love my sister!

Since my whole reason for going to California was to be with Meggie, I spent nearly all of my time in her hospital room. Somehow I never brought my camera to the hospital with me to document our time together. Now I regret that since my time with her was so special. At one point Meggie apologized for not being able to keep much conversation, but when you have been friends for 20 years, chit-chat doesn't matter. Even while she slept, there was no other place that I would have rather been. I will be forever grateful for my family (on both sides) for watching my boys so that I could spend my time in the hospital.

On my last day, I spent the morning with my family at the beach in hopes of seeing some cool creatures in tide pools. It was nice watching my boys play around in the sun. Thank you, California, for another nice visit!

Char thought this hat was a cowboy hat. You can imagine his delight when Kathleen helped him find a kelp cowboy rope!

>:C

I love this picture of Meggie and her mom that I stole off of facebook. It was taken a long time before cancer was on the horizon. Her mom is one of my favorite people on this planet and has been so good to me over the years. She continues to be Mehgan's rock through all of the ups and downs of her cancer.

The other night James popped some microwave popcorn for us to enjoy while we rotted our brains watching some show. He ended up burning it a bit by accident but I didn't mind since I actually prefer it a smidge burned. The burned popcorn made me think of my friend, Meggie; these days, almost everything does.

Meggie likes burned popcorn just like I do.  When we were Freshmen in college living the dorm life, we would go to our community microwave and purposely burn it. What a treat! Unfortunately, we didn't know that the smokey smell would seep into all of the air vents and stink up the whole place! Nobody was very pleased but luckily we were able to lay-low and pork on our popcorn until the coast was clear. 

Nowadays I would give anything to be able to sit down with Meggie and eat burned popcorn without a care in the world (besides hiding from our large and in-charge dorm mother). Now Mehgan is sick. Very sick. She has been fighting cancer for a year and a half and has done it so bravely even with many things going wrong. For the last while Meggie has been staying in the hospital and has been in constant pain.  In addition, cancer is incredibly expensive and I know all the bills add extra worry to her already full plate. Thankfully, one of her friends in L.A. has put together a fundraiser for Mehgan to help give a little relief from her financial concerns. I am so grateful for the many people who have donated money already, but she could always use a little more support! If by chance anyone would like to help my amazing friend, here is the link to her page. Every little bit counts!

Donations can be made here!

A note to Meggie

Dear Meggie, You would be pleased to know that I have now introduced our little men to the wonders of Funyuns. As you can very well imagine, they were a big hit all around! But honestly, as tasty as they are, I mostly love them because they remind me of you and I have no doubt the boys felt the same. When I told Char that he was going to get to taste Aunt Meggie's favorite chips he snapped right out of his grumpy, post-church mood and happily snacked away while I snapped pictures. He loves you. We all love you! Good luck with the rest of your blasted radiation.

Love, Mal