Sarah

Me and Sarah playing with our trolls

Today we had playgroup with the women in the area and I was more than relieved to see that it went better than last week. Last week our two oldest boys sorta just watched the other kids from the side while McCabe eagerly raced around with his new toddler friends. I was happy for Cabey, but I felt so bad for the other boys. They're lives have been so unsettled for the last two months and even though they are doing really well, I can tell that it has taken a toll on them all the same. Watching them stand shyly on the side was proof of that and it broke my heart to see. But today was different.

This morning Mason asked if he could bring his new toads (he caught three more on Sunday but we let them all go tonight) to show his new friends at playgroup. Since I didn't have any problem with it, we headed off with the toads in tow. But once we got there, I could see that his little plan was brilliant! As it turns out, three toads make great ice breakers and in no time, all three boys were running around happily with the other children. I am so glad!

It reminded me of a time when I made a new friend in Sarah Murphy when I was a little girl. I was around 6 or 7 and was incredibly shy and quiet. To top it off, my only friend was no longer able to play with me since I laughed like a witch. (Ouch.) For a while, I had been hoping to befriend a spunky little girl named Sarah, at park day (a day when all the home schoolers in the area got together so the children could play while the mothers planned and talked together) but I was so shy that when I asked her if I could play, it came out in such a faint whisper and she never even heard me. She skipped off with another friend while I walked away quietly crying.  

Then one day I happened to bring a rubber band gun that my grandpa made me to the park to keep me occupied. After playing by myself for a while, I got up the courage to ask her one more time before giving up forever. I found Sarah (with a bun on her head almost as large as her head itself) crouched down looking for something in the bushes. After mustering all the courage I had, I asked the little group of girls if I could play, too. "Sure!" Sarah said without even looking up, "We're trying to find a rubber band so that we can make a bow and arrow to go shoot the boys with!" What luck! I had a whole slew of them and a weapon to boot! From that day on we were inseparable. Nearly every weekend for the rest of our growing up years were spent at one or the other's house. How grateful I am that Heavenly Father gave me a friend like her!

When I got home from our morning venture, I realized what the date was and remembered that it was Sarah's birthday! Every year for as long as I can remember, we call each other up on our birthdays and sing the same special birthday song and then have a good heart-to-heart chat. Today was no exception! As always, it was just what I needed!

So maybe I shouldn't worry so much about my little men. Maybe there is a life-long friend out there waiting for goofy boys with pet toads to come along. And like me, they'll be forever grateful.

"It feels good to have a lizard!"

Me and Meggie, back in the day
Boy, do I miss Meggie today! Maybe it's my awkward attempts to make new friends in this new area that makes me miss having such an established friendship even more. Who knows? Whatever the reason, I miss her extra. 

In church someone shared a quote from the prophet Joseph F. Smith about those that have died. He said, "...how much more certain it is...that those who have been faithful, who have gone beyond... can see us better than we can see them; that they know us better than we know them....We live in thier presence, they see us, they are solicitous for our welfare, they love us now more than ever.  For now they see the dangers that beset us;... their love for us and their desire for our well being must be greater than that which we feel for ourselves". 

When I read the quote, I started bawling. It is such a blessing to have more knowledge about eternal life because of the continued revelation that we receive from modern prophets, and it was comforting to know that maybe when she isn't busy working on the other side of the veil, or isn't spending time watching over her family, that maybe she is watching over me. But then it hit me extra hard how much I wish that I could actually see her again. (I am sure the women around me were wondering why in the world I was crying when we were talking about revelation. Oh well, I guess I'm the new weirdo. What do ya do?)

Recently, my sister, Kathleen, sent me a video that she made of my little men of when she was watching them for me out in California at the end of June. I love everything about this video and am so thankful that she made it for me! While she is shooting them playing with the lizards, I was sitting in the hospital with Meggie and holding her hand as she lay in intense pain. And while she was filming us all walking around on the beach, my friend was being told that she didn't have much longer to live. There is something about the juxtaposed innocence and happiness of my little men against the pain and sorrow of Meggie's situation that is bittersweet to me. Even in the saddest moments, there is joy to be found. Thank goodness that we have children around to remind us of that!

Something about the music that she chose makes me think of Meggie. I don't know if Micah put this song in the slide show he made for her funeral or what, but both James and I somehow relate it to that day. 

I have so much to update this blog with, but I feel like I can't do that until I write a few words about Meggie's funeral. They held it on Saturday, July 14th in the stake center because so many people wanted to attend and honor the woman we all loved. The Porters put together a beautiful meeting and shared stories about Meggie.  Although it was sad to say goodbye, they lifted us all with their words of faith. I have always loved the Porters, but I have never been so proud of their friendship.

The weeks following her death, our little family spent packing, moving and driving all over the West and Midwestern states. As much as I loathed the job, it was a great distraction. I couldn't breakdown because James and the boys needed me to hold it together. But now that all the boxes are nearly unpacked and the chaos is starting to settle, I find myself missing her more than ever before. I started missing Mehgan even before she died, and although I wanted her to be free from pain, I now feel the loneliness of her absence so powerfully that some days my little heart just wants to break. I know she is in a better place and I know that I will see her again; it's just hard to accept how far away that reunion will be. But, as Elder Maxwell said, "Faith in God includes faith in his timing." It is as it should be, even if I don't understand it all right now.

Earlier last week I had a reminder of that when I was feeling particularly low about missing my friend. I had been  having so much fun here in Kansas but realized again that I couldn't share it with Meggie. That night I left James in charge of bedtime and headed out for a stroll around campus. (On a side note, all Summer long our little family has been trying to spot a skunk because our little men took such a fancy to these stinky furry friends and we thought it would be neat to see one in the wild). Even though we saw all sorts of skunks sleeping on the side of the road (read "dead"), none of us saw the real thing until last week when James spotted two little skunks wrestling near his vet building on campus. So in my sorry state I wandered up to his vet building in hopes that I would see something cute and furry to lift my spirits.

I waited and waited and nothing came. The night grew dark and the cicadas buzzed, but no little black and white friend came to my rescue. So I started praying. I told Heavenly Father how much I missed my Mehgan and how sad I am that I don't get to have her with me on this earth to grow old with. I told Him how sad I was the my little men will not get to have her around as an aunt and godmother while they grow up and that I can't share all my happy and sad moments with her and hear her say, "Oh Mali-Pali" again. My burden felt lighter the longer I prayed but I still felt alone. Then just as I was finishing up, I told Heavenly Father how bummed I was that I didn't get to see those skunks and how much I wanted to see them. 

As I finished up and turned to leave, across the lawn in the shadows I noticed a small creature shuffling along. As I looked closer, I realized that it was a small striped skunk rooting around the grass! I don't know what I was expecting, but this little fella was so tiny and cute I could hardly believe it! The longer I stood there, the closer he came until I was just about fifteen feet away from the little guy! Finally, after I took about a trillion poor-quality cell phone pictures, he had enough and scampered under a rock to free himself from his #1 fan. But fifteen minutes was all that I needed to be reminded that Heavenly Father loves his children and that all things will work together for our good.

For whatever reason, Meggie's time here on earth was shorter than we expected. But I do know that that it will be for the best in the end if we all keep trusting in our Heavenly Father's plan. How grateful I am that our Savior made it possible for us to overcome death and sin so that we can be reunited again.

As one with a soft spot for all living creatures, Meggie would have LOVED this little guy!

Picture taken off Facebook from when Meggie got to meet USA's womens water polo team that her cousin is in. The caption read, "Olympians surrounding a champion."

Last night Mehgan Porter passed away. She will be missed but I know that I'll see her again and that we'll pick up right where we left off. I love you, Meggie!

Our California visit

 The boys and I just got back from spending a week in California. I really wanted to see Meggie but James was not going to be able to take time off so Kathleen was nice enough to drop everything and come with me. What would I have done without her?!!! It was a treat to be able to talk with her (although sometimes over screaming from the back seat) while we drove across the desert. I love my sister!

Since my whole reason for going to California was to be with Meggie, I spent nearly all of my time in her hospital room. Somehow I never brought my camera to the hospital with me to document our time together. Now I regret that since my time with her was so special. At one point Meggie apologized for not being able to keep much conversation, but when you have been friends for 20 years, chit-chat doesn't matter. Even while she slept, there was no other place that I would have rather been. I will be forever grateful for my family (on both sides) for watching my boys so that I could spend my time in the hospital.

On my last day, I spent the morning with my family at the beach in hopes of seeing some cool creatures in tide pools. It was nice watching my boys play around in the sun. Thank you, California, for another nice visit!

Char thought this hat was a cowboy hat. You can imagine his delight when Kathleen helped him find a kelp cowboy rope!

Go Carting with our neighbors

We have been blessed with the best neighbors this last year! They have been so warm and welcoming ever since we moved in and we will be forever grateful! The other day James gave them the engine off of our old and unfix-able rota tiller and they put it to good use. Our neighbor, Kris, built a go cart when he was a teenager and just so happened to have been needing a new engine to get it going again. As sad as James was to finally say good-bye to his trusty rota tiller, it is great to know that it has been put to good use. After they got the go cart up and running, they invited us to take it for a spin! What fun!

good-bye, beloved engine

 Mason and James getting ready to go

McCabe, hoping that he wouldn't have to ride it.

 Charlie, enjoying the speedy ride

 McCabe was NOT a fan

Charlo

 Brad and Matthias

 McCabey-baby

 I'm not sure if I am more in love with his cute little sticky-outy ears or his adorable up-turned nose. I just love McCabe at this age!

Making a wish

 L: McCabe and Matthias R: Me and Char

 The go cart was ready for a tune-up by the time it was my turn to ride so we did the next best thing and took a picture anyway.

 Mason and Char

 Who needs an engine when you have a wonderful neighbor!

Get well soon

 Dear Aunt Meghan,
   I heard that you have to stay at the hospital a little longer. That stinks! I wish you were here playing with me instead. We could play frisbee and I could snuggle on your lap and let you scratch my back till you are happy as a clam! Momma says that I can do anything I set my mind to and right now my mind is set on you feeling better. I don't know how I am going to fix your insides but I do know that I always keep you in my prayers, so maybe that will do the trick? Little boys like me need good godmothers like you so get well soon.
         Love, your favorite godson,
                Char

P.S.  I won't make you wear my lion mane but I do strongly recommend it. It keeps you warm while playing outside. I would have given you mine if you did indeed lose your hair like you were supposed to. That's how much I love you!

Mason and Aunt Amelia

Mason and his Godmother , Aunt Amelia, on their Valentines date at Baja Fresh.

Mason gave his first talk this last Sunday in primary.  James and I were beyond proud of our little, fearless (at least public-speaking wise) boy. Mason was thrilled that he finally got asked and was excited about his big moment all week long. (When Mason is happy or excited he sings a series of quick-paced da-da-da's in various melodies-most often to the first line of Jingle Bells). All last week he was da-da-da-ing and, since he was so pleased with how well his talk went, he has been da-da-da-ing ever since. 

Speaking of excitement, he was almost as excited for his talk as he was for his "children's date" with his Aunt Amelia this Valentines Day! I really couldn't blame him for the latter though since I'm pretty fond of my Big Dipper, too. :)

Prayers for Meggie

The boys and I just got back from visiting Meggie in California. Although it was absolutely wonderful to be in the sun with people we love, the reason for going wasn't so fun. Meggie found out that her cancer is back but this time its in her liver. After over a year of fighting cancer and after being told that she was cancer-free, this news came as a low blow. Mehgan has decided to fight on and start another round of chemotherapy.  She could really use all the thoughts and prayers that she can get. In case you don't know how great Meggie is already, I will share a little info about her.

One Sunday, when Meggie and I were about 16 or 17, we were sitting through a particularly boring lesson in Sunday school at church. Out of nowhere, Meggie scribbled a note in bold letters on a large piece of paper and held it up to me in a way that allowed all of the guys sitting along the wall in our class to read it. To my horror the note read, "Do you still like Riley?" Now, nothing against Riley, but I never had any feelings for him of any sort and was mortified.  However, there wasn't a thing I could say to defend myself without making the situation any worse. Instead all I could do was blush deeply and try my best to stifle laughter. 

Another example of her prankster side comes from our freshman year in college when I went down to her room on the ground level of our dorm to visit. I found her waiting in her dark room where she whispered something about the group of people standing outside her window and asked me if I knew any of them. Since it was dark in her room I wasn't worried of getting caught and I walked right up to the window and took my time figuring out who was out there. SUDDENLY, Meggie flipped on the light and slammed the door, leaving me lit up in the window only feet away from the group that I was spying on! For the rest of the night, Mehgan tricked other friends of ours into making the same mistake. Some girls tried to hide, some tried to play it off cool, and one even hid under a blanket and crawled across the floor to safety while the group outside looked on. Mehgan always loves a good time and is incredibly quick-witted and funny. These attributes are just a few of the reasons that people like to be around her....even if they do have to watch their back every now and again.

Meggie has always been athletic. I remember watching her sail across the high school football field during a powder puff game where she made the one and only touchdown. During college I went to every one of her intramural games from basketball to volleyball to water polo and about burst with pride that I was there cheering for her. But even though she is truly athletically gifted, she can still build up even the most un-gifted athlete in a way that makes them (me) feel needed on the court. During our Freshman year we would jokingly carry her large stereo down to the basketball court on our shoulders while it thumped all sorts of obnoxious music. There she would patiently play basketball with me while I tried my best to keep up. Other times our basketball games turned into games of "what will you give me if I make a baskedt" that inevitably always ended in one of us (99.9 % of the time it was me) having to perform some humiliating but hilarious dare when the other would make a particularly difficult basket.

Another memory comes from when we were in Merry Miss (a church program that they used to have for 10 and 11 year-old girls) and we had a sleepover party at our teacher's house. I dreaded it because I was so shy and didn't really know the girls in my class that well. Before the night of fun began, our teacher gave a quick lesson on friendship and talked about finding someone who you don't know that well and befriending them. After that, we had snacks and played games into the wee hours of the morning. I say "we" rather loosely since I mostly just quietly watched everyone else have fun while I felt awkward. At one point, I sat quietly drawing a picture of a cartoon bear when I heard Mehgan say, "Wow, Malinda! That bear looks amazing!" I was thrilled to have the most popular girl around say such a nice thing to me...even if the teacher had encouraged us all to look out for the underdog just a little while before! Lucky for me, we became friends and I have felt lucky about that ever since. Even more important than her popularity, Mehgan is devoted, dependable and encouraging; the truest kind of friend of all. Over the years I have watched her quietly include all sorts of people in a way that made them feel special just like I felt as a Merry Miss.

I wish Meggie didn't have to undergo chemotherapy again. But I know that she will come off conqueror, especially with all of our prayers and fasting for her and her family. 

Godmother Mehgana

When we were pregnant with Mason, we decided that he needed a Godmother and Amelia came to our rescue. When we had Charlie, we knew that Mehgan would be the perfect fit for our second born. We don't get to see either one of these women that often but I have no doubt that my boys can feel the love all the same. Lucky for us, Meggie was in town last weekend with her family and was able to spare some time to meet Charlie. By was he a fan! He grinned for the longest time when she first held him.....I was almost jealous, since he rarely smiles for his doting mommy. It was a treat to see Meggie and her mom. It was a little taste of the girl time we will be enjoying over Christmas! Hot dog!

All of the following pictures were snapped by my little photographer, Mason. Not too shabby!

And of course, what photo shoot would be complete without a artistic shot of his beloved toys?